why do grown adults insist on adolescent communication?
Unless you know full well why I should be annoyed and pissed off, you can just skip this blog post.
If you are reasonably sure you are the source of my sadness, or you're just dying of curiosity as to what has gotten me upset enough to actually blog about it, read on.
I rarely use my blog to whine about annoying goings on in my life, but today I just can't resist. Perhaps it's the complete lack of my ability to resolve issue with the person with which it must be resolved, who knows. I'm sorry to say that today I can not hold back. I must kvetch.
At work, day in and day out, I to do my best at doing a job that most people underappreciate. That part of it is ok with me. I know it's work that needs to be done, so I do it to the best of my ability, as I try with everything. I just generally try my best to do things to the best of my ability. Sometimes my ability isn't that great, and that's OK with me, too.
Many times along the way I make really bone headed decisions, I know that. Most of the time they're silly and inconsequential, relatively, so I just try to chuckle and move on. I try to just contine on with the knowledge that I'm not gonna make that mistake again. Sometimes the silly "oops"s become more than that (like today I broke the build with a boneheadedly ignorant check-in move), and you have to just deal with it and move on. 99.9% of the people around are pretty forgiving. There's always that one person who still grumbles in his/her office about you, but what can you do. We do the best we can.
And then every once in a while when you make a stupid boneheaded maneuver someone in your environment blows a f*#&ing gasket. To make matters worse, this same individual who for all appearances has blown a gasket over something-really-darn-tiny-in-the-scheme-of-things decides it's time to throw a guilt trip. Not a little
"I'm making a point here" guilt trip, either. Not just that day, no. The next day. The following day... Yes, a week later and this person is still treating you with the warmth of a block of dry ice. Has this person discussed things with you? Nope.
And then there's the remote possibiliy that there's actually something ELSE going on there that you, as the guilt-tripee, don't already know about. So the nagging doubt causes you stress and anxiety. What if...?
Either way, here's the way I see it:
1) This person has apparently not grown up enough to know that it just might be more productive and beneficial in the long run to DISCUSS the issues at hand. (Maybe, JUST MAYBE if you give me a chance I might actually respond positively and things will be better)
2) There's actually something BIGGER going on, but apparently this person is under the impression that not enlightening me as to what I've done wrong is actually a better course of action than simply telling me what I've done wrong so I can actually move to rectify the situation. Apologize profusely, sacrifice a scorpion, whatever needs to be done. This person is lacking the maturity to actually face it, or the scruples to actually give me a chance to make good or defend myself appropriately.
I am a firm believer in consulation and all it has to offer to small two person groups right on up to the largest of groups.
I have done my best to confront this individual, to offer my apologies and promises that I will do my best not to do this (albeit fairly minor offense) again. But from what I can tell I am unarmed with the information necessary to really respond in a productive way. I've made my best effort to rectify this unsustainable situation. I think the ball is just not in my court anymore, which is why I'm whining to the masses on my blog. :-D
Finally I'd just like to say how I'm feeling:
I'm feeling abandoned
I'm feeling alone -- *alone update* this has changed thanks to my wonderful friends
I'm curious if I can continue in this endeavor. My gut says no, but I have surprised myself before.
I'm feeling angry that I'm not being given the chance to make good on something that this person apparently feels is inexcusable and unforgiveable enough to ostracize me.
I'm feeling defensive for no logical reason I can come up with (up with which I cannot come?).
I'm feeling overwhelmed with the compulsion to cover my ass where it might not be covered, also for no logical reason I can fathom.
I'm really really pissed that I've had all of about ONE WEEK of this job where I felt it was actually secure enough that I didn't need to be in panic mode. How can it be that I try my hardest, my best, do everything I can to do a great job and still my job feels at stake?
I'm feeling unbelievably crushed and saddened to find out that a relationship which I thought was a wonderful one is really so fragile as to not be able to withstand something as trivial as this, in the grand scheme of things. I really treasure those around me, including YOU, and you know who you are. Do know that this breaks my heart.
If you are reasonably sure you are the source of my sadness, or you're just dying of curiosity as to what has gotten me upset enough to actually blog about it, read on.
I rarely use my blog to whine about annoying goings on in my life, but today I just can't resist. Perhaps it's the complete lack of my ability to resolve issue with the person with which it must be resolved, who knows. I'm sorry to say that today I can not hold back. I must kvetch.
At work, day in and day out, I to do my best at doing a job that most people underappreciate. That part of it is ok with me. I know it's work that needs to be done, so I do it to the best of my ability, as I try with everything. I just generally try my best to do things to the best of my ability. Sometimes my ability isn't that great, and that's OK with me, too.
Many times along the way I make really bone headed decisions, I know that. Most of the time they're silly and inconsequential, relatively, so I just try to chuckle and move on. I try to just contine on with the knowledge that I'm not gonna make that mistake again. Sometimes the silly "oops"s become more than that (like today I broke the build with a boneheadedly ignorant check-in move), and you have to just deal with it and move on. 99.9% of the people around are pretty forgiving. There's always that one person who still grumbles in his/her office about you, but what can you do. We do the best we can.
And then every once in a while when you make a stupid boneheaded maneuver someone in your environment blows a f*#&ing gasket. To make matters worse, this same individual who for all appearances has blown a gasket over something-really-darn-tiny-in-the-scheme-of-things decides it's time to throw a guilt trip. Not a little
"I'm making a point here" guilt trip, either. Not just that day, no. The next day. The following day... Yes, a week later and this person is still treating you with the warmth of a block of dry ice. Has this person discussed things with you? Nope.
And then there's the remote possibiliy that there's actually something ELSE going on there that you, as the guilt-tripee, don't already know about. So the nagging doubt causes you stress and anxiety. What if...?
Either way, here's the way I see it:
1) This person has apparently not grown up enough to know that it just might be more productive and beneficial in the long run to DISCUSS the issues at hand. (Maybe, JUST MAYBE if you give me a chance I might actually respond positively and things will be better)
2) There's actually something BIGGER going on, but apparently this person is under the impression that not enlightening me as to what I've done wrong is actually a better course of action than simply telling me what I've done wrong so I can actually move to rectify the situation. Apologize profusely, sacrifice a scorpion, whatever needs to be done. This person is lacking the maturity to actually face it, or the scruples to actually give me a chance to make good or defend myself appropriately.
I am a firm believer in consulation and all it has to offer to small two person groups right on up to the largest of groups.
I have done my best to confront this individual, to offer my apologies and promises that I will do my best not to do this (albeit fairly minor offense) again. But from what I can tell I am unarmed with the information necessary to really respond in a productive way. I've made my best effort to rectify this unsustainable situation. I think the ball is just not in my court anymore, which is why I'm whining to the masses on my blog. :-D
Finally I'd just like to say how I'm feeling:
I'm feeling abandoned
I'm feeling alone -- *alone update* this has changed thanks to my wonderful friends
I'm curious if I can continue in this endeavor. My gut says no, but I have surprised myself before.
I'm feeling angry that I'm not being given the chance to make good on something that this person apparently feels is inexcusable and unforgiveable enough to ostracize me.
I'm feeling defensive for no logical reason I can come up with (up with which I cannot come?).
I'm feeling overwhelmed with the compulsion to cover my ass where it might not be covered, also for no logical reason I can fathom.
I'm really really pissed that I've had all of about ONE WEEK of this job where I felt it was actually secure enough that I didn't need to be in panic mode. How can it be that I try my hardest, my best, do everything I can to do a great job and still my job feels at stake?
I'm feeling unbelievably crushed and saddened to find out that a relationship which I thought was a wonderful one is really so fragile as to not be able to withstand something as trivial as this, in the grand scheme of things. I really treasure those around me, including YOU, and you know who you are. Do know that this breaks my heart.
posted by rebecca at 6:49 PM
4 Comments:
HEY mr/ms you-know-who-you-are! you march right in there and make nice with my sister. pronto! (please thank-you etc)
she's awesome and deserves your respect.
The only thing i can say is you have not been abandoned by your friends! We are here for you no matter what. And having detailed information of all the goings on, they just don't deserve you and you shouldn't put up with it. If they don't want you, there are a lot of places that do. You are a very talented and amazing woman and never forget it!
you guys rock so much. thank you :) I feel bad about this post and I think I"m gonna remove it, but it makes me feel a lot better to know that you guys love me. :)
Don't remove the post. You're doing fine. It's Kethartic (sp?) and important. Besides..how else am I going to find out what's been going on short of text messages over your phone?? :) *HUGS* dearest. In my own way...my love will be in the form of pumpkin muffins next week :) How about that? ;)
Missing you and know that I am thinking of you loads!!!
Post a Comment
<< Home